Saturday, December 15, 2012

The ideal (impermanence)


27-

The Ideal (Impermanence)  

And so…

I have lived the magic of impermanence
I have stayed in the inconstancy of doubt
I have enjoyed the fear of uncertainty
And the fact that time doesn’t wait for you to decide.  

So…

Watch her walk

Comply with her invitation to
Kiss her words, to
Lust after her thoughts
And to desire the essence of
The metaphor in her
Voice.

The ideal is the stroke of her
Lips against yours. But
That ends with the
Sound of the clock on the wall.

So then,

What is permanent?
What doesn’t end?

History. Memory.

But don’t get stuck in them.
You will live in the past.
Angry and alone.

Come back to us and recognize
That permanence is for books,
For the sky,
And for the ethereal in our minds.

Enjoy our human nature and cry
When impermanence renders your
Soul sad.

In the mean time,
Look into her mysterious eyes,
That give two meanings at a time
And
Declare your love.
Enjoy the moisture of
Dew on her petals
And see… the permanence of
Each moment that
Each morning gives.

The ideal is not permanent, I don’t think.
The ideal is enjoying the magic that
Impermanence can bring.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Friday, November 30, 2012

Control


8-

Control
How do I gain you
Over my emotions
Over my explosions
Over my pain
Over the craziness of my reactions
Over the stupidity of my words

Control
Come in and tell me
The secret that you told all the ones before
Who were able to eat and sleep
Who were able to live and breathe
With you present and alive.

Control
Tell me please! How do I achieve
To be in just the room where you sit?
How do I come near your presence?
How I steer temptation against my will?

Control
Teach me how to write again.
Teach me how to speak again.
I am desperate and I curl inside of me
Without you.

Control
Let me conquer you.
Let me be you.
Let me in.
Open the door for me.

Control
Why don’t you want me?


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Same


23- (Second version - First, never posted)

The Same

Take a moment
To breathe in the night.
Take a second to
See the streets.
I promise you
Will grow up
In a lighter place
Than I did.

I will fight for
Us.
I will make it all right.
It will be our despair
But our rights we will
Attain.
Walls of stones have made us strong.

You will bloom in the dark.
The memory of times
Gone by
Will remind us too late
That we should have
Fought long ago for it all,
Not just for parts of the same.

When your pillow takes your head,
You will hardly know this day.
You will think you had me one day,
But you won’t recognize my caress.
Like the sleeper of the valley,
I will rest by Mother Earth.

When you begin
To fall asleep,
There will be a moment
When you’ll twitch.
You will think it a dream
But it will be me,
Making you aware
That our lives did link.

Take care of her. She will need me.
 Align your words,
Think of a metaphor and
Write me a letter when you are old.
I will wait.

I’ll come back
From time to time to remind you of today.
In your dreams
You will see
How proud of me you should be.

The same. We will be same.
But not without long decades of
Hard games.

When you breathe deep,
Imagine that I am here.
Stretch your arms.
Lean back on the grass that I have
Seeded for you and think of me.

You will feel sad.
I already do.
If I come back, I will
Never read this to you.
I will enjoy every moment
That life will give us together.

I love you. I’ll see you in the
Morning light, where the
Fears await and where I
Can make things right.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Words


30-

Words.

Listen:

You begged for a kiss,
And when it came it was
Bliss,
And when our eyes
Spoke,
I knew I was
Done.

And then my tongue
Slipped and I tried my
Speech,
And when I did
It was cold.

I was lost.

What’s the use
Of speaking three
Languages if my
Lips freeze and my
Tongue slips when
I try to speak?

The words
you said
Carried your heart,
But I said nothing.

My thoughts creased.

I know how to say many words
But I can’t speak.

Please feel what I feel!

Never wonder if I love the crystal
In the light that glistens
In your eyes  
Each day.

Never wonder if I love the slight
Opening of your lips
When I know we are about to kiss.

Never wonder if I love the delicate
Slant in your eyes, peaking through
When our tongues meet.

Never wonder if I love that I childishly pull away
First,
So that you can retain me
For one second more.

Never wonder if your sensual touch
Has the power to withhold my speech
In every way known
To every human in this world.

Because it does.

What’s the use of speaking three languages
If when I am around you
I can’t speak?

My prose is all
Yours,
But my speech
Remains alone.

Look into my eyes and
Never wonder,

Because I can’t speak.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Take a seat

27-

Take a seat.

Take a seat…
Come with me.
I wanted to show you
How I really feel.

You are younger.
I am not.
But you enjoy
Every ounce of
My bones. 

Take a seat…
You are free
To love me just
Like I am.  

Don’t sit down,
If you think
You won’t come alive
In my arms.

Take a seat.
Lay me down.
Throw yourself back.
Let me touch you.

Take your clothes.
Glide them here.
I’ll take care
Of what you think
You need.

All the time.
All the patience.
Meet us here today.
Will you go with me?
Do we belong in this?

Can we choose a person
And make it work?
Or is it pre-determined,
Like religions taught?

Come with me...
I’ll sit down.
Can the periods of in our
Writing really slow us down?

It is prose: don’t run the commas,
Practice the semi-colons; and 
At the ellipsis, let me continue
To take your breath
Inside my lips
And bite your tongue
With my desirous teeth.

It’s a challenge
Not to do more.
But can we, please?
Not just tonight. 
I will fall. 
  
My heart decided,
As soon as we started,
That it could, against my will,
Take you all in.

Stay with me.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Yield.


26-

Yield.

Let the words go through me…
I never thought I’d want to be
With such a perfect being
In the story I have
Written of this life.

Slow we started,
Slow we love,
Fast we talk.
Nothing can stop
The flow of our words.

I am scared.
Let the words go.
If I say it, will it be
Enough for tomorrow?
I need to wait
To make sure,
Just so sure,
That I am ready to
Enter
In the contract
With harmony
And pain.
With love
And Jealousy.
With Anguish
And bliss…
…Again.
Or…
Could we just have fun
This time, without
Being angry at the
Stories in our lives?
Without brining in
The past?
Simply enjoying who
We are?
What life has made of us?
What we have learned?
Where we are today?

Why not?
Why compare?

What is this life made of
If not of chances
And risks
We are willing to
Take?

Stars, bless me tonight!
I have to try.
I have to see
If she’s for me.
Will I hurt?
Will we dance?
Will we stay?
Will it work?
Can we grow old?

Only one way to find out.

Heart! Take me through
It day by day.
Let it be
What it will be.
Let me be ready,
To endure the sweet surrender
That only a relationship
Knows how to
Breathe.   

For a single chance
I yield. Again.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Forbidden


25-

Forbidden

And now it’s me.
I made the sweetest tasting mistake.
The preaching.
The praying.
The avoidance.
Nothing could stop me from touching
Tonight.

I wanted to.
I knew it was wrong.
I knew we’d hurt someone
Although it was over long ago.
We had a choice.
We laid in bed.
We only touched.
Nothing more.

Emotions took
Place of our hands
And our imaginations
Ran away
With our touch,
With our hands,
With our reason,
And we touched.
Nothing more.

I didn’t feel your soul.
I didn’t feel your lips.
My fingers did not wander.
But I felt your breath
Take my breath away
While our faces contemplated
Too closely at all,
If what we were doing
Was wrong.

Was it?
Is there an inch of love
We can recuperate from
This night?
Can we be forgiven by
Touching the forbidden
And longing for
A brighter song?
For having a heavy and tender touch
Full of emotions ripped right from
The soul?

How much time do I
Have to wait to be
Your love?
Will you do the same
With someone else?
Or was it not wrong enough
To think that this could
Happen to us as well?

I will wait for now.
I want to.
I want to see
After time goes by,
And the gods forget
That we shouldn’t have,
What happens when
They realize
That we had wanted to do it
For longer than one night.

Now we just lean back,
Waiting for the forgiveness that
Our sweet and sensual mistake
Deserves and see, if one day,
The universe pulls us together again.

Patience, dear friend.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dream


21-

Dream.

It was a dream, wasn’t it?
You weren’t really here.
I thought you were telling me,
How to fix myself.
How to look better.
How dared you?
How dared I?
We needed to live our lives.

One year of bliss.
One year of worry.
One year of hell.
Three regular years.
You wanted more.
In the end, you needed more.

All you had to do was tell me.
But on a note
You bid
Farewell to our three
Normal years.

And I?
Wept. Of course.
On a note?
You left endless wondering of a mind
That needn’t to be punished like that.

Coward.
At least I always said how I felt.
I guess you were not the right person
To tell? Who was I supposed to,
Sometimes in sorrow,
Trust with the hollow of
My worried mind?

Not you. I now that now.
I wish I had then. I was always strong.
Why did you have to wait?
A string that is long due to be cut
Becomes brittle in the end.
I had the right to hear it.

Do you think I didn’t know that
You longed for someone else
In your mind?
You were unfaithful.
You didn’t have to touch.

Turns out, a broken heart
Can break even more
When hit with the right note.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Twenty-four


24-

Twenty-four

I think I did love you.
I’m not sure I ever did.
Yet I know I did.

I could try to be sad
But why?
I don’t remember loving you.
They say I did.
They say I gave you all of my heart.
They say we had a life.
I could try to be sad.

The memory of our lives
Has gone by.
Under the stars, I wonder if I
Should be sad.
I don’t remember.
It was too hard.
Losing you was, they say,
Never in our plans.

I could try to be sad,
I could cut these flowers and
Throw them up in the sky to
Watch them fall like our love fell.

But I am not sad.
I know I loved you.
The pain was too deep.
My mind sailed away.
And now I’m back only to
Find out that I forget
How much I cared.

I could try to be sad, I could
Try to cry under the stars, but they
Say it was your choice. I think
I loved you. Maybe I still do. Do I?
I don’t know.

I could try to be sad for what we had.
My mind is lucid now. It went to Hell
And back. I could try to salvage what we had,
But why?
You left.

I could say: The stars are beautiful, my love.
Let’s go and sit outside.
I could ask: Why do your eyes shine so brightly?
Is it to make my heart this happy?
But I have forgotten what it was to love
In such a way.

I could take your hand and caress it around my face.
I could take your tears and dry them with my skin.
I could write about the time,
That I don’t remember now,
You gave me a ring under
The rain, kissing me and
Asking me to always stay.

I could write about many things,
But I’m not sad.
I don’t love you anymore.
But in days gone by, maybe I did.

This is the last time
I kiss you goodbye.
My hand and my pen will no
Longer meet with your name
In mind.

This is my last prose to you.
I promised my beating heart,
That the one who called herself
For so long
The love of my life,
Would be out of my head at last.

Did this really happen to us?


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Cabin


11-

The Cabin

I could only imagine that
The fields had flowers, but
I was inside the cabin
That I helped build.

I didn’t know there would be a lock within.
I had not clue the cabin was for me.
I didn’t think I wouldn’t
Be able to breathe.

But I could see the stars.

I didn’t know the color of the flowers.
I couldn’t smell their perfume.
But I knew they were there.
I laid. I woke. I ate. I laid again.
When I laid, I could see the stars.

Could I get out?

Come with me! You, who weeps to leave!
Turn a new page and turn the key to the
Door that will let us go! But... how can I leave?
The roof over my head, the security of my sheets,
The sustenance that I need, I had it all within.

But the flowers.... I could smell them.

Do I have to stay?
In between guilt and need, I found
A small well fashioned rod and I opened the door.
I saw the flowers. The stars were bright.
The air was crisp. But, now that I am here…
Should I leave?

If I step on that stoop, is up to you…

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Today


19-

Today

Do whatever you want.
Do it right away.
Don’t wait for another day.
Time to do.
Time to shine.
Let go of the bed.

Get inspired today.
Think about the places
You’ve wanted to go for ages
And get going right away.
Go! Don’t wait! If you wait,
You may never go.
Just look at Scarlet,
Red with anger,
Never gone.

Or, rest.
Give your feet a break.
Break the cycle of stress.
Take a nap and
Drink some wine,
But don’t deny that
You still feel deep inside
The demand of the sun
Asking you to get out today.

Follow your inspiration,
Don’t stay back. Silence the
Desires of the pull of the dark.
Open your eyes.
Fresh, brand new skies await.
I’ll go first.
Follow me.
One foot out; breathe right in.
Come on out. Don’t let the anger
Get you back down.

Don’t cry. It’s over.
Today it didn’t hurt too much.
She’s gone. You are alone.
It’s ok to miss her, but now you
Are free to whisper, how
Good it feels to be you today.
Smile.

Solitude isn’t that bad.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Caress

16-

Caress

Caress the air and touch the light,
Smell the wind that’s by your side.
Quiet… Here comes the storm.
Silence. She feels so soft.

No heart is lonely tonight. The rain
Accompanies your broken heart.
The sun smiles at your delightful existence.
The leaves dance for your eyes,
And the grass whispers to your ears.

On the night that she left,
The sky was quiet. I thought I was alone.
I asked for mercy, but
Absolution would not come.
She said ‘maybe’ and I begged ‘stay.’
But the rain was quiet,
And the air was gone,
And the wind had not scent,
And I thought I was alone.

I stared at the window
Hoping she would return.
But the air came instead to caress
My broken soul.
And the rain stopped its silence,
And the leaves began to pour
When my tears started to flow; and I realized that I
Was not alone.

Someone is always there, I thought.
Not who I expected,
But what better company than the
Stillness of your cries and the calm of your soul?
It hurts to be without her,
But I love being with me. For the rain
Will always speak,
The air will always blow, and
The wind will always bring its fragrance of time and old. 

Time to learn. Time to cope. Time to show
My bones that I can walk on my own.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Silk


13-

Silk

The silk of your speech.
I am lost within
The touch of your touch;
The skill of your fingertips.
I’ll die tonight a small death in the dark.
Whisper how tender your desire is for my skin.

Let’s go.
It’s time.
You and I could be
Walking along a bridge, smiling. Gazing.
But we didn’t want that first glance.
We wanted tonight.

We missed the first sweet kiss.
We skipped the smile and the flirting eyes
And we came here today.
No embrace, no words.

The touch of your skin will be my hello.
The caress of your hands will be our first date.
The approach of your hips will be our first kiss.
Your being in my soul will be our communion.
And in the morning, we’ll let go.

I wish you luck in your future life. 
Thank you and goodbye.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Learning


18-

Learning

I have learned to live in the present.
There are times I concentrate in the future.
Sometimes I think of the past.
And that is when I cry.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Little by little


17-

Little by little…

What if we had let the world flow?
I don’t like to write poems like these,
But what if we had fought a little more?
I lost you and you lost me, and together
We missed the opportunity to love
One another so sweetly and so deep, for
A lot longer than we did.

Too bad, my heart says.
Let it go, thinks my brain.
My limbs reach for you,
But my hands know it will just be air.

Do you think, perhaps, that
At one point, we will think:
What if we had let the world flow?
What if we hadn’t let go?
I really hope not.
I don’t want to think about you anymore.
I tried.
You let go.
It was I who fought until the end. It was
You who cried and walked away.

The night your voice turned cold,
My heart stopped its beats.
And now that it beats again, it misses you.
I can tell.

I feel weak.
But although I am sad,
In the end,
I was the one willing to fight.

I try to tell my heart that you are no
Longer for us, but it cries sometimes.

Time, I say. Give it time. Slowly, it heals.
But I think it still waits for you at night.
Never again, my brain tells my heart.
Careful, or you will not open up for anyone else.

Little by little, my heart listens, but it hasn’t been easy.
Tears no longer flow.
And hope slowly grows.
And my heart gently heals.
Knowing that time is what it needs.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Monday, June 4, 2012

Missed?


7-

Missed?

An arrow to the eye
A beating to the heart
An act of tenderness for the soul
And Cupid laughs alone.

Under his breath, he can’t help but
Whisper that once again he has me at his feet.
He rejoices and makes me weep,
Although happiness is all I feel.

On the 31st year of my life,
I was walking on a cloud,
Knowing that he was there,
Evading his every move,
Turning against the very arrow that had made me
Cry before for my love.  

I could see that he was there.
I noticed him in the smile of a quiet lady
And in the shape of a beautiful silhouette.
But not for me, Cupid. Not this time. Not yet.
He came close to me and tried to shoot, but he only got
My chest, close to my heart, but no cigar my dear winged friend.

Then I escaped far and hid in the mountains, but after a while
There he was again.
This time, he got my hand.
And I was more gentle than I had ever been to human kind.
And that is how I remained.
But he missed nonetheless.
I laughed. He laughed. We gazed at each other and before he tried again, I escaped.

I ran away to the sea,
And there he was, hovering over the waves.
I did not move and said,
To go ahead and aim at me.

He smirked at me, pointed to my heart
Then to my eye and as he aimed, I was petrified
For I was too familiar with the emotions that I was about to feel.

He lowered his bow.
He laughed. I laughed and we both said:
Maybe next time, then. And he frolicked away.

It’s my turn to begin the search for her again.  

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Revolve


9-

Revolve.

Let it revolve and don’t ignore,
            That this time is simply to mourn.
                         I am still in hell and I won’t return,
                                    Until I decide that I have had enough
                                    Of the sorrow that has consumed my soul.
I shook,
I trembled,
I stared at the wall.
In a dream I saw it all fall.
In a dream I knew that it was all gone.

Now I bang my head against the wall
Knowing what I could have done to change,
But recognizing that I did not have the strength to do so then.
The imperfect reckoning of knowing where you went perfectly wrong
And how to make it better tomorrow, will give you the peace to move on.

In my shoes you will walk,
But I promise that I will not let you fall.
I went through this to better my soul and to teach you
That you will tumble, but that I will be there to hold you in hell, while
You think that you’ll never see the light of your own soul again. Don’t cry, my love.

When you walk in these shoes, I’ll have been in mine for long.
                                                I promise that the pain does not last long.
                                                            I promise that this is where we belong.
Remember to tell your heart that this is how you learn, and try to be gentle to                                                                             yourself.

You will not walk in these shoes on your own.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Alone.


6-

Alone.

On the 30th year of my life,
It was my turn to weep.
It’s time, my love, said the wind.
It’s time to cry this year.

It took my love and hid it where
No one, not even she could see,
That the deepest part of my soul
Was right between the place
Where anger meets pain,
And forgetfulness meets solitude.
Alone.

I forgot to smile but
I remembered to hurt.
I thought of laughter but
It was a scary thought,
So I let it go and there it went,
Floating away in one of my tears.

In a country that resembles nothing that
I knew before, my laughter met my long lost love.
They remembered together when I used to feel
And lament how now I can only cope.

But here I come! Don’t worry, love! Laughter, hang on!
I am coming alone but certain, that the place where you went
Is where I really belong. In the middle of the lake that
Hosts our boat, wait for me with the whiskey of life and the rum of hope.
Here I come, where I belong
I come alone,
Don’t let me fall.
I hang on only to me this time.
And to you, my broken soul.
Let’s do it together.
Let’s both go, to the place where we know,
We won’t fall out of love.
Alone.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Girl in the Green


2-

The girl in the green (ode to AR).

Inside, justice, come with me.
Outside, grass, look at him; he wants to weep.
On the green, he goes to sleep.
He said it just for him.
I will say it to honor her.

Don’t sleep, darling. Watch the night. It will light up soon.
You will be home soon.
You will be safe soon.
Hold the metal steady.
Watch the night, please.
Watch the sky.

Squeeze your fingers tight.
Here comes the sound.
Go take the plunge.
We love you here.
The night awaits, the sky is red.
The morning comes, the sun will rise.
But watch the night,
It will end soon.

Put your face to the grass and
Leave your sword close.
Point it to where we should follow
And we will be along.
Tell me her name.
I will relay that it was her who lit the sky
The night your sword pointed to the hill
Where the moon was dark and the chill froze your dreams.

Under a tree darling, on the green.
That’s where we find him each time we read about him.
That’s where your place is.
Next to the history of the beauty of words.
That’s where you should be.

Now sleep alone only for a second,
For soon we’ll come and you will be prose,
And unforgettable you will become, my rose,
With us.  

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro