Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dream


21-

Dream.

It was a dream, wasn’t it?
You weren’t really here.
I thought you were telling me,
How to fix myself.
How to look better.
How dared you?
How dared I?
We needed to live our lives.

One year of bliss.
One year of worry.
One year of hell.
Three regular years.
You wanted more.
In the end, you needed more.

All you had to do was tell me.
But on a note
You bid
Farewell to our three
Normal years.

And I?
Wept. Of course.
On a note?
You left endless wondering of a mind
That needn’t to be punished like that.

Coward.
At least I always said how I felt.
I guess you were not the right person
To tell? Who was I supposed to,
Sometimes in sorrow,
Trust with the hollow of
My worried mind?

Not you. I now that now.
I wish I had then. I was always strong.
Why did you have to wait?
A string that is long due to be cut
Becomes brittle in the end.
I had the right to hear it.

Do you think I didn’t know that
You longed for someone else
In your mind?
You were unfaithful.
You didn’t have to touch.

Turns out, a broken heart
Can break even more
When hit with the right note.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Twenty-four


24-

Twenty-four

I think I did love you.
I’m not sure I ever did.
Yet I know I did.

I could try to be sad
But why?
I don’t remember loving you.
They say I did.
They say I gave you all of my heart.
They say we had a life.
I could try to be sad.

The memory of our lives
Has gone by.
Under the stars, I wonder if I
Should be sad.
I don’t remember.
It was too hard.
Losing you was, they say,
Never in our plans.

I could try to be sad,
I could cut these flowers and
Throw them up in the sky to
Watch them fall like our love fell.

But I am not sad.
I know I loved you.
The pain was too deep.
My mind sailed away.
And now I’m back only to
Find out that I forget
How much I cared.

I could try to be sad, I could
Try to cry under the stars, but they
Say it was your choice. I think
I loved you. Maybe I still do. Do I?
I don’t know.

I could try to be sad for what we had.
My mind is lucid now. It went to Hell
And back. I could try to salvage what we had,
But why?
You left.

I could say: The stars are beautiful, my love.
Let’s go and sit outside.
I could ask: Why do your eyes shine so brightly?
Is it to make my heart this happy?
But I have forgotten what it was to love
In such a way.

I could take your hand and caress it around my face.
I could take your tears and dry them with my skin.
I could write about the time,
That I don’t remember now,
You gave me a ring under
The rain, kissing me and
Asking me to always stay.

I could write about many things,
But I’m not sad.
I don’t love you anymore.
But in days gone by, maybe I did.

This is the last time
I kiss you goodbye.
My hand and my pen will no
Longer meet with your name
In mind.

This is my last prose to you.
I promised my beating heart,
That the one who called herself
For so long
The love of my life,
Would be out of my head at last.

Did this really happen to us?


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Cabin


11-

The Cabin

I could only imagine that
The fields had flowers, but
I was inside the cabin
That I helped build.

I didn’t know there would be a lock within.
I had not clue the cabin was for me.
I didn’t think I wouldn’t
Be able to breathe.

But I could see the stars.

I didn’t know the color of the flowers.
I couldn’t smell their perfume.
But I knew they were there.
I laid. I woke. I ate. I laid again.
When I laid, I could see the stars.

Could I get out?

Come with me! You, who weeps to leave!
Turn a new page and turn the key to the
Door that will let us go! But... how can I leave?
The roof over my head, the security of my sheets,
The sustenance that I need, I had it all within.

But the flowers.... I could smell them.

Do I have to stay?
In between guilt and need, I found
A small well fashioned rod and I opened the door.
I saw the flowers. The stars were bright.
The air was crisp. But, now that I am here…
Should I leave?

If I step on that stoop, is up to you…

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Today


19-

Today

Do whatever you want.
Do it right away.
Don’t wait for another day.
Time to do.
Time to shine.
Let go of the bed.

Get inspired today.
Think about the places
You’ve wanted to go for ages
And get going right away.
Go! Don’t wait! If you wait,
You may never go.
Just look at Scarlet,
Red with anger,
Never gone.

Or, rest.
Give your feet a break.
Break the cycle of stress.
Take a nap and
Drink some wine,
But don’t deny that
You still feel deep inside
The demand of the sun
Asking you to get out today.

Follow your inspiration,
Don’t stay back. Silence the
Desires of the pull of the dark.
Open your eyes.
Fresh, brand new skies await.
I’ll go first.
Follow me.
One foot out; breathe right in.
Come on out. Don’t let the anger
Get you back down.

Don’t cry. It’s over.
Today it didn’t hurt too much.
She’s gone. You are alone.
It’s ok to miss her, but now you
Are free to whisper, how
Good it feels to be you today.
Smile.

Solitude isn’t that bad.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Caress

16-

Caress

Caress the air and touch the light,
Smell the wind that’s by your side.
Quiet… Here comes the storm.
Silence. She feels so soft.

No heart is lonely tonight. The rain
Accompanies your broken heart.
The sun smiles at your delightful existence.
The leaves dance for your eyes,
And the grass whispers to your ears.

On the night that she left,
The sky was quiet. I thought I was alone.
I asked for mercy, but
Absolution would not come.
She said ‘maybe’ and I begged ‘stay.’
But the rain was quiet,
And the air was gone,
And the wind had not scent,
And I thought I was alone.

I stared at the window
Hoping she would return.
But the air came instead to caress
My broken soul.
And the rain stopped its silence,
And the leaves began to pour
When my tears started to flow; and I realized that I
Was not alone.

Someone is always there, I thought.
Not who I expected,
But what better company than the
Stillness of your cries and the calm of your soul?
It hurts to be without her,
But I love being with me. For the rain
Will always speak,
The air will always blow, and
The wind will always bring its fragrance of time and old. 

Time to learn. Time to cope. Time to show
My bones that I can walk on my own.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Silk


13-

Silk

The silk of your speech.
I am lost within
The touch of your touch;
The skill of your fingertips.
I’ll die tonight a small death in the dark.
Whisper how tender your desire is for my skin.

Let’s go.
It’s time.
You and I could be
Walking along a bridge, smiling. Gazing.
But we didn’t want that first glance.
We wanted tonight.

We missed the first sweet kiss.
We skipped the smile and the flirting eyes
And we came here today.
No embrace, no words.

The touch of your skin will be my hello.
The caress of your hands will be our first date.
The approach of your hips will be our first kiss.
Your being in my soul will be our communion.
And in the morning, we’ll let go.

I wish you luck in your future life. 
Thank you and goodbye.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Learning


18-

Learning

I have learned to live in the present.
There are times I concentrate in the future.
Sometimes I think of the past.
And that is when I cry.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Little by little


17-

Little by little…

What if we had let the world flow?
I don’t like to write poems like these,
But what if we had fought a little more?
I lost you and you lost me, and together
We missed the opportunity to love
One another so sweetly and so deep, for
A lot longer than we did.

Too bad, my heart says.
Let it go, thinks my brain.
My limbs reach for you,
But my hands know it will just be air.

Do you think, perhaps, that
At one point, we will think:
What if we had let the world flow?
What if we hadn’t let go?
I really hope not.
I don’t want to think about you anymore.
I tried.
You let go.
It was I who fought until the end. It was
You who cried and walked away.

The night your voice turned cold,
My heart stopped its beats.
And now that it beats again, it misses you.
I can tell.

I feel weak.
But although I am sad,
In the end,
I was the one willing to fight.

I try to tell my heart that you are no
Longer for us, but it cries sometimes.

Time, I say. Give it time. Slowly, it heals.
But I think it still waits for you at night.
Never again, my brain tells my heart.
Careful, or you will not open up for anyone else.

Little by little, my heart listens, but it hasn’t been easy.
Tears no longer flow.
And hope slowly grows.
And my heart gently heals.
Knowing that time is what it needs.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Monday, June 4, 2012

Missed?


7-

Missed?

An arrow to the eye
A beating to the heart
An act of tenderness for the soul
And Cupid laughs alone.

Under his breath, he can’t help but
Whisper that once again he has me at his feet.
He rejoices and makes me weep,
Although happiness is all I feel.

On the 31st year of my life,
I was walking on a cloud,
Knowing that he was there,
Evading his every move,
Turning against the very arrow that had made me
Cry before for my love.  

I could see that he was there.
I noticed him in the smile of a quiet lady
And in the shape of a beautiful silhouette.
But not for me, Cupid. Not this time. Not yet.
He came close to me and tried to shoot, but he only got
My chest, close to my heart, but no cigar my dear winged friend.

Then I escaped far and hid in the mountains, but after a while
There he was again.
This time, he got my hand.
And I was more gentle than I had ever been to human kind.
And that is how I remained.
But he missed nonetheless.
I laughed. He laughed. We gazed at each other and before he tried again, I escaped.

I ran away to the sea,
And there he was, hovering over the waves.
I did not move and said,
To go ahead and aim at me.

He smirked at me, pointed to my heart
Then to my eye and as he aimed, I was petrified
For I was too familiar with the emotions that I was about to feel.

He lowered his bow.
He laughed. I laughed and we both said:
Maybe next time, then. And he frolicked away.

It’s my turn to begin the search for her again.  

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Revolve


9-

Revolve.

Let it revolve and don’t ignore,
            That this time is simply to mourn.
                         I am still in hell and I won’t return,
                                    Until I decide that I have had enough
                                    Of the sorrow that has consumed my soul.
I shook,
I trembled,
I stared at the wall.
In a dream I saw it all fall.
In a dream I knew that it was all gone.

Now I bang my head against the wall
Knowing what I could have done to change,
But recognizing that I did not have the strength to do so then.
The imperfect reckoning of knowing where you went perfectly wrong
And how to make it better tomorrow, will give you the peace to move on.

In my shoes you will walk,
But I promise that I will not let you fall.
I went through this to better my soul and to teach you
That you will tumble, but that I will be there to hold you in hell, while
You think that you’ll never see the light of your own soul again. Don’t cry, my love.

When you walk in these shoes, I’ll have been in mine for long.
                                                I promise that the pain does not last long.
                                                            I promise that this is where we belong.
Remember to tell your heart that this is how you learn, and try to be gentle to                                                                             yourself.

You will not walk in these shoes on your own.


©2012 Cassandra Huidobro