Things

101-

Things

The things that must be done in life,
I do.
The things that are in sight,
I see.
The things that I must go grab,
I get.
The things that are impossible,
are fine.
But...
There are times
When things seem hard to grab,
When I see what I can miss,
When grabbing is not for my grip,
and when the impossible does seem
out of this world.

No matter.

I still go forward.
You never know when life says no more.
I want to treat obstacles as the sea
and my will as my vessel.
I can.
I can.
Don't wrestle.
Just reach.

They are only things.

© 2013 Cassandra Huidobro

1:4

28-

1:4

You raised us well

Four kids in your custody

You did well

For a mom of one income

In the D.C. area

We turned out fine

I’d say in fact you did sublime

I’d say you should be proud;

In all honesty, I know you are

Your Latin-American background

Your Catholic stride

Your Mormon conversion

Won’t let you see

But I’ll defend you, mom.

You can be what you are

And I’ll accept you for who you are

And though I wish you’d do the same for me

I am not here to judge and

I know that you love me still.

I know it embarrasses you but

There is nothing I can do

It’s innate in me

And this is how I choose to live

I love you for you

You bore me

You fed me

You are the best advice

I’ve ever had

I just wish you would embrace this part of me

Because

She is wonderful

She is sweet

She makes me happy and I wish you could see

But it’s ok mom.

I’m here to defend you

I don’t want you to go away

I want you to stay with me

And one day,

When your eyes close,

I know that you’ll know I loved you for you

And that I defended your point of view

Because you don’t have to like every part of me

And because I admire you for you.

You taught me respect

And that includes how you feel about me.

Although you probably will never read this,

I want you to know that you raised us well and

That it isn’t your fault that I am this way.

I just love you mom. That’s all I am here to say.

©2013 Cassandra Huidobro

The ideal (impermanence)

27-

The Ideal (Impermanence)  

And so…

I have lived the magic of impermanence

I have stayed in the inconstancy of doubt

I have enjoyed the fear of uncertainty

And the fact that time doesn’t wait for you to decide.  

So…

Watch her walk

Comply with her invitation to

Kiss her words, to

Lust after her thoughts

And to desire the essence of

The metaphor in her

Voice.

The ideal is the stroke of her

Lips against yours. But

That ends with the

Sound of the clock on the wall.

So then,

What is permanent?

What doesn’t end?

History. Memory.

But don’t get stuck in them.

You will live in the past.

Angry and alone.

Come back to us and recognize

That permanence is for books,

For the sky,

And for the ethereal in our minds.

Enjoy our human nature and cry

When impermanence renders your

Soul sad.

In the mean time,

Look into her mysterious eyes,

That give two meanings at a time

And

Declare your love.

Enjoy the moisture of

Dew on her petals

And see… the permanence of

Each moment that

Each morning gives.

The ideal is not permanent, I don’t think.

The ideal is enjoying the magic that

Impermanence can bring.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Control

8-

Control

How do I gain you

Over my emotions

Over my explosions

Over my pain

Over the craziness of my reactions

Over the stupidity of my words

Control

Come in and tell me

The secret that you told all the ones before

Who were able to eat and sleep

Who were able to live and breathe

With you present and alive.

Control

Tell me please! How do I achieve

To be in just the room where you sit?

How do I come near your presence?

How I steer temptation against my will?

Control

Teach me how to write again.

Teach me how to speak again.

I am desperate and I curl inside of me

Without you.

Control

Let me conquer you.

Let me be you.

Let me in.

Open the door for me.

Control

Why don’t you want me?

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

The Same

23- (Second version - First, never posted)

The Same

Take a moment

To breathe in the night.

Take a second to

See the streets.

I promise you

Will grow up

In a lighter place

Than I did.

I will fight for

Us.

I will make it all right.

It will be our despair

But our rights we will

Attain.

Walls of stones have made us strong.

You will bloom in the dark.

The memory of times

Gone by

Will remind us too late

That we should have

Fought long ago for it all,

Not just for parts of the same.

When your pillow takes your head,

You will hardly know this day.

You will think you had me one day,

But you won’t recognize my caress.

Like the sleeper of the valley,

I will rest by Mother Earth.

When you begin

To fall asleep,

There will be a moment

When you’ll twitch.

You will think it a dream

But it will be me,

Making you aware

That our lives did link.

Take care of her. She will need me.

 Align your words,

Think of a metaphor and

Write me a letter when you are old.

I will wait.

I’ll come back

From time to time to remind you of today.

In your dreams

You will see

How proud of me you should be.

The same. We will be same.

But not without long decades of

Hard games.

When you breathe deep,

Imagine that I am here.

Stretch your arms.

Lean back on the grass that I have

Seeded for you and think of me.

You will feel sad.

I already do.

If I come back, I will

Never read this to you.

I will enjoy every moment

That life will give us together.

I love you. I’ll see you in the

Morning light, where the

Fears await and where I

Can make things right.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Words

30-

Words.

Listen:

You begged for a kiss,

And when it came it was

Bliss,

And when our eyes

Spoke,

I knew I was

Done.

And then my tongue

Slipped and I tried my

Speech,

And when I did

It was cold.

I was lost.

What’s the use

Of speaking three

Languages if my

Lips freeze and my

Tongue slips when

I try to speak?

The words

you said

Carried your heart,

But I said nothing.

My thoughts creased.

I know how to say many words

But I can’t speak.

Please feel what I feel!

Never wonder if I love the crystal

In the light that glistens

In your eyes  

Each day.

Never wonder if I love the slight

Opening of your lips

When I know we are about to kiss.

Never wonder if I love the delicate

Slant in your eyes, peaking through

When our tongues meet.

Never wonder if I love that I childishly pull away

First,

So that you can retain me

For one second more.

Never wonder if your sensual touch

Has the power to withhold my speech

In every way known

To every human in this world.

Because it does.

What’s the use of speaking three languages

If when I am around you

I can’t speak?

My prose is all

Yours,

But my speech

Remains alone.

Look into my eyes and

Never wonder,

Because I can’t speak.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro

Take a seat

27-

Take a seat.

Take a seat…

Come with me.

I wanted to show you

How I really feel.

You are younger.

I am not.

But you enjoy

Every ounce of

My bones. 

Take a seat…

You are free

To love me just

Like I am.  

Don’t sit down,

If you think

You won’t come alive

In my arms.

Take a seat.

Lay me down.

Throw yourself back.

Let me touch you.

Take your clothes.

Glide them here.

I’ll take care

Of what you think

You need.

All the time.

All the patience.

Meet us here today.

Will you go with me?

Do we belong in this?

Can we choose a person

And make it work?

Or is it pre-determined,

Like religions taught?

Come with me...

I’ll sit down.

Can the periods of in our

Writing really slow us down?

It is prose: don’t run the commas,

Practice the semi-colons; and 

At the ellipsis, let me continue

To take your breath

Inside my lips

And bite your tongue

With my desirous teeth.

It’s a challenge

Not to do more.

But can we, please?

Not just tonight. 

I will fall. 

  

My heart decided,

As soon as we started,

That it could, against my will,

Take you all in.

Stay with me.

©2012 Cassandra Huidobro